omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
