Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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