i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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