Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Soap is not a condiment
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Actions speak louder than pants.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
