Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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