Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
