mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Randomize
