I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
