Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
she told me i tasted like america
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
