Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I need water and some morals
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
