If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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