i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
