I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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