Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
