Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
