You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
