So drunk its hurt
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
