I smell stomach acid.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
It's never too late to be topless.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
