i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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