Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
