pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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