Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
