You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
