I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
