i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
