I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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