The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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