You can't motorboat a personality
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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