You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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