He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
