Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?