You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
