I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Your shirt... Was in my pants
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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