I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no