i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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