I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
