I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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