you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
