you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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