Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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