It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
