By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
