Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
