Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
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There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
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i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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