The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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