you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
There r osticjed everywhere
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
