my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
