so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
4 words: hood of his car
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
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It's just like the Real World with babies
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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