i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
this will be a night to untag.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
