For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
