i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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