Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
