she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
