I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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