hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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