She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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