I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
