am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
