who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
