You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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