they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Randomize
