you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
