mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
