My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
