____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
