He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
