Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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