Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Randomize
