if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
