She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Randomize
