true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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