STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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