How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
You may now shotgun with the bride
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
