Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
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