Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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