Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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