there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
