Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
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