I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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