Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
